you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
