At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
