We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
