I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
