Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
