I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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