he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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