In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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