White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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