Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
