PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
