and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
