And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
