WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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