i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
