Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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