I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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