Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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