you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
