$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize