we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
