She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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