Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
