My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize