All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
