I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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