I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
