I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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