hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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