i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
