I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
