Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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