When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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