it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
