Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
