she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
