u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
