I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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