i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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