I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
