I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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