my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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