i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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