The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
