If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
