We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
