I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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