I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
