i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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