It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
