im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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