Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
