i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
