getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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