I CAN MOONWALK!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Sorry about my life...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
