he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
