so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
