Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
