Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We're too hungover to prance.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize