its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
