Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
