yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
