I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
