i jhust puked up my retainher.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
