just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
