just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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