Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
